14. iBogaine Helps Me To Overcome A Lifelong Of Chronic Anxiety & My Addiction to My Thoughts
I am very glad that I trusted my intuition to do Ibogaine treatment with Sasha. I have been suffering from anxiety since when I was 6 years old. I always felt life was a struggle and the world is a dangerous place. No matter what I achieved in my life, I was never satisfied and always felt there was something fundamentally wrong with me. Over the last 15 years, I did a lot of inner work including yoga, meditation, mindfulness, dance, therapy and plant medicine (Ayahuasca, Kambo and San Pedro). They certainly helped me to understand myself better, but I could not feel the inner peace I was looking for.
Earlier this year, something very traumatic happened in my life, and that incident brought me down to deep depression. I felt suicidal for many months, and could not see the meaning of life anymore. However my desire to healing has never disappeared. I flew to Peru to work with Ayahuasca for 2 months. Ayahuasca helped me to heal a lot of deep wound, and gave me profound insight. However, my depression and anxiety were still there with me, and I did not want to give up just yet.
After a few months, out of desperation, I decided to do Iboga treatment. I did a lot of research and learnt that Iboga is not only good for treating substance addiction, but it also helps depression. I found some places offering Iboga in Central America, but I did not want to travel all the way there. After more research, I found Ibogaine Thailand. I sent an email to Sasha, and he immediately set up a Skype call with me. I felt very safe talking to him, and my intuition told me that I could trust him. Iboga is one of the most strongest plant medicines, and I did not want to do it unless it felt right. It took me for a while to make the final decision, and in the meanwhile, Sasha and I had exchanged more than 60 emails. He was patient to answer all my questions.
After I arrived at the resort, Sasha and Fibi came to see me. They explained the procedure. Treatment started the next morning around 10am. I took the medicine, and lied down on the bed to wait for the effect to take place. After about 1.5 hours, I started to see some people sitting in front of me, although my eyes were closed. Sasha checked my blood pressure every now and then. Unlike most people’s experience, I do not have memory during the treatment. I cannot remember anything during the 24-hour treatment. The next day, I slept for more than 10 hours. After waking up, I tried to remember what had happened, but I still could not remember anything at all. I felt disappointed because I believed somehow the medicine didn’t work for me.
The next few days, I felt very bad. My anxiety was still there. I was still feeling very depressed. My body was exhausted and I was not hungry at all. However slowly I start to feel my body has changed. It was very subtle, but I felt something in my body has been renewed.
Another few days later, I did a short guided meditation. Tears started rolling down my face, and I felt immense release and letting go. After that, there was peace in me that I have never experienced my entire life. Anxiety and depression are completely gone. I could believe how “light” I felt. For the first time in my life, I loved myself and there was no more self-hatred. I felt grateful for every hardship in my life and knew that everything happened to me to bring me to this tremendous healing. This transformation was not possible without Ibogaine. The medicine changed my core beliefs about who I am and healed my addiction to my thoughts. Now I see myself and life in totally different eyes. It feels like I was given a new life. For the first time in my life, I am actually living.