18. The root of all problems. The root of all strength.
I will begin this review by setting up the context of my Ibogaine experience with Ibogaine Thailand. My interest begin with hearing the root mentioned in a podcast. My mind kept ruminating with curiosity and hours upon hours of research followed. I wrote several emails and Sasha responded with thorough and honest information about what he could offer. He was patient and had careful, cultivated responses. Our emails back and forth led to a Skype meeting. The Ibogaine prerequisites (EKG & Blood Liver Panel) as well as my intentions for working with the root were examined and Sasha outlined the basic summary of how the experience would go, as well as the foundation for how it could assist me. After being approved, he set up a time frame, the particular type of Ibogaine I would ingest, a pre-treatment diet, an intention to focus on.
Once there, Sasha and his partner Fibbi outlined my journey, reiterated what I should expect, took my weight, administered a drug test, and checked my vitals. This data was essential for determining my dosage and for mental ease ahead of treatment. Both Sasha and Fibbi watched over me carefully during the flood dose. They periodically took my vitals every half hour, as well as keep me hydrated - my flood lasted for about 30 hours total. I had a great peace of mind knowing that every element of my flood experience was considered. I was never left to feel completely alone, and the extra dosage was kept ready in the event that I would want to go deeper in the flood. This option was given after the first hour of the flood.
Initially, an anti-nausea medication is administered before the Ibogaine is ingested. A microdose is given to ensure that no allergic reaction occurs. Earplugs and eye shades are provided, and the room is prepared with respect and reverence for the journey. I was drawn to Ibogaine Thailand for all the aforementioned facts as well as the personal one-on-one setting. Sasha has a very honest, pure, and direct intentionality about him. He is professional yet caring and it sets an ideal environment for ingesting the grandfather of all psychedelic medicines. Fibbi was wonderful as well, she has a nurturing, gentle, and graceful tone in regard to her care. Sasha and Fibbi are a balanced pair of care providers for an Ibogaine journey and I highly recommend Ibogaine Thailand because of this. Their intentions for my experience and well-being were very evident throughout the process.
Now, for the more personal review of my experience. It has been just over a month and a half since my flood dose. I was drawn to the root for a variety of reasons, namely my struggles with OCD and an eating disorder. I wanted to end my coping mechanisms for generational trauma, trauma that I could not break even though none of my compulsions served a purpose anymore. My issues run deep and were addictive, and I could not escape them with brute force and willpower. I tried everything in my control to stop them, from living abroad off the grid for a year, yoga, extensive meditation, living in an ashram for three months, and more. All my attempts would backfire and result in a new set of coping mechanisms: Adderall abuse, reclusiveness, over-exercising, brutal perfectionism, etc.
Ibogaine seemed to be a last resort for me. During my flood I experienced visions along with feelings of death and rebirth in extreme darkness. These visions were quickly arriving and passing, and consistently interrupted my journey with fears of failure. The failure was manifested in the form of scenes where I would have to tell all my friends and loved ones that I was irreversibly broken, and that Ibogaine had not worked on me - I felt like a lost child in these moments. It took me a while to process my experience and I continue to do so. Ibogaine goes directly to the source of pain and trauma, and speaks to you in the harshest ways that you speak to yourself. I was able to view my thought process and emotions that obstruct me. Ibogaine provided me the insight I needed to face my inner pain body directly. I am now meditating daily, I stopped compulsively biting my nails, and I am seeing consciousness as a force that exists outside of myself. I am working on accepting who I am now.