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22. Facing my demons to open my heart

There is no doubt from the testimonials here and confirmed from my own experience that Sasha is an extremely prepared and thoughtful guide. He cares for you throughout the Iboga experience and the days after. It is safe, rigorously monitored and Sasha makes it as comfortable for you as possible. 

In my personal experience, I can probably add to what many others say, which is that my life is now split into a before and after Iboga timeline. I sought out Iboga after getting fed up with suffering years of cyclical depression and self-hatred. No traditional psychotherapy or medication could scratch the surface of the depth of my pain and anger. Iboga spoke directly to the source of all that pain, not with a whisper but a shout. It was an awesome, beautiful, terrifying experience. Words cannot explain the visions but I saw exactly what I needed to. The days after, the imagery was still there but the fear of facing it was still too great for me. I was too scared to be by myself and reflect. Although I left that first experience with an enormous sense of relief and zest to re-experience life, I reconnected with Sasha 6 months later to enquire about taking Iboga a second time. I had been doing some meditating in the months prior and my subconscious was telling me I needed to go back and process what I saw. I needed to face the fear again. I kept seeing signs in my dreams and meditations.

After much reluctance and crying and back and forths whether I was doing the right thing to take Iboga the second time, I finally ingested the dose and wow. The second time I was able to process everything Iboga had tried to tell me the first time. Iboga was kinder to me and finally I was able to dip into that well of sadness from years of repressed self-hatred. Eventually, that turned into an unimaginable sense of self-love, acceptance and re-assurance that I've never felt before in my life. Moreover, while before I felt I had to seek love from any and every outside source and distraction -- I knew then that I've had this within myself the whole time. This all might seem obvious to the average observer but looking back now I really was so closed off from my heart I couldn't see any of this. 

I also went in wanting Iboga to give me answers to big things like "Why are we here?" "What is the meaning of life?" Iboga gave me the answers to those, and many, many, many more. Many of which, I've come to realize, are really just none of my damn business. Iboga plainly taught me that the answers I thought I needed weren't the ones I needed to live my life.

Thank you Sasha and thank you for letting me experience Iboga. Taking Iboga is an intense and deeply personal experience but whoever feels at the end of their rope like I was... Iboga is a very special method to see where the rope goes and where it came from. I"m back in love with life and I know how to live out the rest of my years.

By Melissa from Thailand, March 2021

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